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Sunday, January 16, 2011
Reading about Dungeons and Dragons misadventures from others. I miss that game so much sometimes. We both do. We had a stint for a few months, but we just stayed in a sewer killing rats, and that was no fun. Watching my cats all sitting together on the carpet in the other room, I can almost picture them giving D&D a try. Let's watch... =)
**************
Mystery, Grimalkin and Karma sit around a large board, filled with wooden pieces, model trees and several dice.
"Okay," Mystery says, reading from a small pamphlet next to her, her black tail swaying to and fro. "You've reached a large farmyard, with many sheep-"
"Sheep!" Grimalkin's ears perk up, "Are...are they evil?"
Karma clubs him on the ear with her paw. "Why do you ask if everything is evil?!"
"Hey, when you're leading this party, you have to take some responsibility!"
"Grim, we're a party of two. You're Bearmeat, I'm Petunia Prissy the Sixty-Ninth. Myst is the DM, that's it, okay? There is no party. This is barely a social gathering."
"Fine, Miss 'Gee, maybe we should eat the hanging fruit from the black tree in the forest.'"
"Says the bozo who decided he could take on a red boar at Level 2!"
"Shush, both of you!" Myst hisses suddenly at them. "Now, look Grim, the sheep aren't dangerous, they're just sheep...attacking them might not be wise..."
"I'll roll for surprise attack with my arrow!" He suddenly swats at the dice. "Woo! 18!"
Myst stares at him blankly, and reads from the pamphlet, sighing. "There is now a large arrow sticking out of one of the sheep. It bleats briefly and collapses to the ground."
"Yessss! How many more sheep are there?"
"I don't know, about thirty or so..."
"Will you stop it?!" Karma cries out, "You don't have to kill them!"
"How do you KNOW? Huh? We are in a whole other world here! A world of dark and dangerous creatures around every corner, epic and fascinating journeys to accomplish harrowing tasks, and garner more wealth than we could ever dream of having! We can't take any chances, and I'm the leader here, so we should do what I say..."
The two girls exchange glances. "Fine," Myst sighs again, and bats a ten-sided dice. "DM rolls a nine. The sheep staggers to its feet again, growling, and rips the arrow from its side with its maw, suddenly charging you both, sharp teeth bared!"
"WHAT?!" Karma smacks Grimalkin again. "Happy now?! It's a zombie sheep!"
"Kill it, kill it!"
Karma bats at the dice. "Two..."
Myst grins, "You take a stab at the sheep and miss entirely, cutting your own foot. You lose about 10% of your mobility and one attack round. The sheep," she bats at her own dice, "slices through you both in rage, biting you for 10 HP each."
"We have to run now!" Grimalkin yells, and bats at his dice set. "Oh crap...4."
Myst giggles behind a paw. "You try to escape, and trip on a blade of grass. The sheep...rolls a, wow, 17. Another 17 HP lost on you both. And the sheep gets another attack against immobile Petunia..."
"Grim, you are so dead when this is over..."
"The sheep tears through Petunia for another 12 hit points of damage..."
"Save me, you moron!"
"I'm trying, I'm trying!" He angrily swats at his dice. "Damn! 2!"
Myst starts laughing uncontrollably. "The angry sheep is suddenly not alone. All thirty of the beasts realize one of their own are being attacked and have come to join the fray...you both have one chance to roll for a full escape or you're sheep-chow..."
Grimalkin blinks, "Are they all evil?!"
"I'm going to kill you!" Karma swats her dice. "NO! 0!" She flumps to the ground on her belly and sulks pitifully.
"Um...3?"
Myst grins. "You are done for. The sheep enjoy their impromptu meal. It is some time later in the evening when the sheep have their regular bowel movements, and your shredded remains lie stinking in the open fields. A fitting end to your journey after so much crap you had to endure from each other..."
Karma sighs, "Good call on the sheep, big brother...thanks..."
"Want to play again?"
"Only if I'M leading..."
Paul wanders in just then, hunkering down with the cats. "So what's going on here?"
"We're killing sheep..." Karma snorted derisively.
"Oh yeah, gotta watch those sheep. They're evil, you know..."
"I TOLD you, Karma."
"Shut up and roll for initiative...where are we going anyway?"
Myst hmms and looks at Paul. "Should they go to the farm again?"
Paul shakes his head. "Not if they can't get past the sheep..."
"Wait a minute," Karma looks up curiously. "You've played this already?"
"This particular module, yeah. If you go to the farm, sneak past the sheep, get to the barn, grab the +3 knife inside the chest and run like hell...why?"
"Well, it's moot," Myst grins and turned a few pages. "How about the swamp? You are in a dank, dark swamp, with no idea how you got here. Around you, all you can see is a heavy mist, a few shadows of trees, and you can hear the faint croaking of bullfrogs..."
"Are they evil bullfrogs?"
"I'm going to slug you..."
**************
Mystery, Grimalkin and Karma sit around a large board, filled with wooden pieces, model trees and several dice.
"Okay," Mystery says, reading from a small pamphlet next to her, her black tail swaying to and fro. "You've reached a large farmyard, with many sheep-"
"Sheep!" Grimalkin's ears perk up, "Are...are they evil?"
Karma clubs him on the ear with her paw. "Why do you ask if everything is evil?!"
"Hey, when you're leading this party, you have to take some responsibility!"
"Grim, we're a party of two. You're Bearmeat, I'm Petunia Prissy the Sixty-Ninth. Myst is the DM, that's it, okay? There is no party. This is barely a social gathering."
"Fine, Miss 'Gee, maybe we should eat the hanging fruit from the black tree in the forest.'"
"Says the bozo who decided he could take on a red boar at Level 2!"
"Shush, both of you!" Myst hisses suddenly at them. "Now, look Grim, the sheep aren't dangerous, they're just sheep...attacking them might not be wise..."
"I'll roll for surprise attack with my arrow!" He suddenly swats at the dice. "Woo! 18!"
Myst stares at him blankly, and reads from the pamphlet, sighing. "There is now a large arrow sticking out of one of the sheep. It bleats briefly and collapses to the ground."
"Yessss! How many more sheep are there?"
"I don't know, about thirty or so..."
"Will you stop it?!" Karma cries out, "You don't have to kill them!"
"How do you KNOW? Huh? We are in a whole other world here! A world of dark and dangerous creatures around every corner, epic and fascinating journeys to accomplish harrowing tasks, and garner more wealth than we could ever dream of having! We can't take any chances, and I'm the leader here, so we should do what I say..."
The two girls exchange glances. "Fine," Myst sighs again, and bats a ten-sided dice. "DM rolls a nine. The sheep staggers to its feet again, growling, and rips the arrow from its side with its maw, suddenly charging you both, sharp teeth bared!"
"WHAT?!" Karma smacks Grimalkin again. "Happy now?! It's a zombie sheep!"
"Kill it, kill it!"
Karma bats at the dice. "Two..."
Myst grins, "You take a stab at the sheep and miss entirely, cutting your own foot. You lose about 10% of your mobility and one attack round. The sheep," she bats at her own dice, "slices through you both in rage, biting you for 10 HP each."
"We have to run now!" Grimalkin yells, and bats at his dice set. "Oh crap...4."
Myst giggles behind a paw. "You try to escape, and trip on a blade of grass. The sheep...rolls a, wow, 17. Another 17 HP lost on you both. And the sheep gets another attack against immobile Petunia..."
"Grim, you are so dead when this is over..."
"The sheep tears through Petunia for another 12 hit points of damage..."
"Save me, you moron!"
"I'm trying, I'm trying!" He angrily swats at his dice. "Damn! 2!"
Myst starts laughing uncontrollably. "The angry sheep is suddenly not alone. All thirty of the beasts realize one of their own are being attacked and have come to join the fray...you both have one chance to roll for a full escape or you're sheep-chow..."
Grimalkin blinks, "Are they all evil?!"
"I'm going to kill you!" Karma swats her dice. "NO! 0!" She flumps to the ground on her belly and sulks pitifully.
"Um...3?"
Myst grins. "You are done for. The sheep enjoy their impromptu meal. It is some time later in the evening when the sheep have their regular bowel movements, and your shredded remains lie stinking in the open fields. A fitting end to your journey after so much crap you had to endure from each other..."
Karma sighs, "Good call on the sheep, big brother...thanks..."
"Want to play again?"
"Only if I'M leading..."
Paul wanders in just then, hunkering down with the cats. "So what's going on here?"
"We're killing sheep..." Karma snorted derisively.
"Oh yeah, gotta watch those sheep. They're evil, you know..."
"I TOLD you, Karma."
"Shut up and roll for initiative...where are we going anyway?"
Myst hmms and looks at Paul. "Should they go to the farm again?"
Paul shakes his head. "Not if they can't get past the sheep..."
"Wait a minute," Karma looks up curiously. "You've played this already?"
"This particular module, yeah. If you go to the farm, sneak past the sheep, get to the barn, grab the +3 knife inside the chest and run like hell...why?"
"Well, it's moot," Myst grins and turned a few pages. "How about the swamp? You are in a dank, dark swamp, with no idea how you got here. Around you, all you can see is a heavy mist, a few shadows of trees, and you can hear the faint croaking of bullfrogs..."
"Are they evil bullfrogs?"
"I'm going to slug you..."