The Musings of Writers and Cats

Okay, so we were checking out "Twitter for Dummies", which is really an amazing book BTW, and it seems to talk a little bit about lists, and how to make them, and add members of your Twitter family to the list. Nina was nice enough to help us understand a bit of what they do, but we feel a little weird putting people on lists when we really don't know a lot about you all yet. =)

Soooo...we'd like to hear from YOU. Tell us what kind of list (keep in mind, we can only do 20 lists in total) you would like to see yourself listed on, by leaving a comment for us. We'll gather up all the comments we get, and then from that point, divide everyone up into really awesome sounding lists. =)

From all of us here at the homefront - Myself (Paul), Paula, Grimalkin, Mystery and Karma - we wish everyone out there a very wonderful new year. We have a feeling it's going to be our best year yet!

Bring it on, 2011! =)

We ran across an old file in our drives from 2008, about a certain "Dubya" State of the Union speech we decided to listen in on, and then rip on for the hell of it. With a pause/un-pause feature in hand, we listened, and started writing the jokes. We KNOW Bush is long gone from the White House, but we hope this playful rip of his speech reminds us just how STUPID we once were - and how STUPID he still is. =)
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Madam Speaker, Vice President Cheney, members of Congress, distinguished guests, and fellow citizens: 

Paul:  Let's have a drink!
Paula: Wow, he put the speaker first.  Dicky's not gonna like that.
Paul:  Does he seem pale to you?
Paula: You mean, more than usual?
Paul:  Nine-Eleven!
Paula: Oh hush.

Seven years have passed since I first stood before you at this rostrum.

Paul:  I know this because I checked the calendar.
Paula: Seven years of toils and tribulations...
Paul:   Zero score and seven years ago, my father said, "Son, don't be an asshole and run for president..."
In that time, our country has been tested in ways none of us could have imagined.

Paul:  I dunno, I can imagine quite a bit.
Paula: Tested by my consistent inabilities, my deceitful ways, my childish platitudes...
Paul:  Nine-eleven!
Paula: Shhhhh!

We faced hard decisions about peace and war,

Paul:  What decision?  To invade a country without precedence or provocation?  THAT decision?
Paula: Don't forget, he's the Decider.
Paul: *high pitched* I'm the baby, gotta love me!

rising competition in the world economy,
Paul:  And why the Chinese are eating us alive.
and the health and welfare of our citizens.
Paul:  Yes, by blocking stem cell research we have helped numerous sick, hurt people DIE.

These issues call for vigorous debate, and I think it's fair to say we've answered the call.

Paul:  We said it was a wrong number and hung up.
Paula: We didn't say anything but we could hear the heavy breathing.
Yet history will record that amid our differences, we acted with purpose. And together, we showed the world the power and resilience of American self-government.
Paula: Power, resilience, complete ineptitude, unbridled arrogance...
All of us were sent to Washington to carry out the people's business. That is the purpose of this body. It is the meaning of our oath. It remains our charge to keep.

Paul:  Yeah, suuuuure.
Paula: I think I'm going to be sick. Shut it off.
Paul:  Can't... tie... too distracting...
Paula: It's not even red this time.
Paul:  But look at the swirling colors...
Paula: Ooooh, it's strangely hypnotic...
Paul:  Yes... it's like a lava lamp...

The actions of the 110th Congress will affect the security and prosperity of our nation long after this session has ended.

Paul:  Oh here we go, gonna blame the Democrats already!

In this election year, let us show our fellow Americans that we recognize our responsibilities and are determined to meet them. Let us show them that Republicans and Democrats can compete for votes and cooperate for results at the same time. (Applause.)
Paula: Yeah, look at their faces.  They're sick to be in the same room together.
Paul:  Why don't the GOP people stay in the room and the Dems leave, and then come back later for the rebuttal?  You'd think that would send a clear message to the nation that folks are sick of hearing from this twit.
Paula: Can't.  Election year.
Paul:  What, again?!  It's ALWAYS an election year!

From expanding opportunity to protecting our country, we've made good progress.

Paul:  Not a single plane has hit a building.
Paula: Well, except for that Yankee pitcher.
Paul:  Oh yeah, forgot about him.  Hey, wasn't Bush ready to do something about that?
Paula: Yeah, I heard he was all set to attack Wrigley Field but they cancelled the alert.
Paul:  Oh, well that's a relief.

Yet we have unfinished business before us, and the American people expect us to get it done.
Paul: *rolling on the floor laughing*  No we don't!
Paula: Unfinished business.  You're so right, Dubya.
Paul:  Yep, war crimes tribunal is a-comin'.

In the work ahead, we must be guided by the philosophy that made our nation great.
Paula: Great idea.  So religion is once again a private, personal affair and will not be a part of politics.

As Americans, we believe in the power of individuals to determine their destiny and shape the course of history.
Paul:  Translation:  Vote for McCain -- he's better than a woman or a black man!

We believe that the most reliable guide for our country is the collective wisdom of ordinary citizens.

Paul:  But since I never care what they think, that statement is probably moot.
Paula: So, wait, we should ALL be president!  I like that idea!  Every single citizen votes on every single issue, mandate or law talked about in this country.  Majority wins.  You can't lose. :-)
And so in all we do, we must trust in the ability of free peoples to make wise decisions, and empower them to improve their lives for their futures.

Paul:  Free peoples?
Paula: Don't.  He's on a roll.
Paul:  You know, I don't see much improvement in my life with assholes like him running the country.
To build a prosperous future, we must trust people with their own money and empower them to grow our economy.
Paul:  So all you rich people, dig deep, man!
Paula: Save my last year of this shameful presidency, I beg you!
Paul:  I got nuttin' left!  Waaaaaaaah!
As we meet tonight, our economy is undergoing a period of uncertainty.

Paul:  I suppose spending $800 billion in Iraq was a bit of a mistake.
Paula: Oh right, like he's going to say that!

America has added jobs for a record 52 straight months, but jobs are now growing at a slower pace. Wages are up, but so are prices for food and gas. Exports are rising, but the housing market has declined. At kitchen tables across our country, there is a concern about our economic future.
Paul:  Which is why I'm so glad this is my last year!
Paula: I can go back to my rich family and live on the ranch, yee-hah!
Paul:  At kitchen tables?  He must be hungry.
Paula: They practically starved him.  Look how thin and gaunt he is.

In the long run, Americans can be confident about our economic growth.

Paul:  Which will happen long after I'm out of office, woohoo!

But in the short run, we can all see that that growth is slowing. So last week, my administration reached agreement with Speaker Pelosi and Republican Leader Boehner on a robust growth package that includes tax relief for individuals and families and incentives for business investment.

Paula: $600 bucks we get.
Paul:  Each?
Paula: I think so.  If we were married, we'd get $1200.
Paul:  Each?
Paula: Um, no.
Paul:  Wait, don't we get $1200 ANYWAY?
Paula: It's the government, Paul.  Don't question their math skills.
Paul:  Sorry. :-P
The temptation will be to load up the bill. That would delay it or derail it, and neither option is acceptable. (Applause)

Paul:  Just make sure ya give me a raise though, or I'll attack Iran!

This is a good agreement that will keep our economy growing and our people working. And this Congress must pass it as soon as possible. (Applause.)

Paul:  Look at the fire in those Dem eyes!
Paula: Yeah, they'll pass it but there's going to be some kind of argument.  There has to be.  This is America.

We have other work to do on taxes. Unless Congress acts, most of the tax relief we've delivered over the past seven years will be taken away. Some in Washington argue that letting tax relief expire is not a tax increase. Try explaining that to 116 million American taxpayers who would see their taxes rise by an average of $1,800.
Paul:  Better yet, dick-weed, explain to America why the national median income has dropped $1,400!
Paula: Explain why we were dead wrong to invade Iraq!
Paul:  The national unemployment rose to 5%!
Paula: No payrolls were added for the first time in five years!
Paul:  Housing construction at an all-time low!
Paula: Mortgage companies collapsing!
Paul:  Dogs and cats sleeping together -- mass hysteria!

Others have said they would personally be happy to pay higher taxes. I welcome their enthusiasm.  I'm pleased to report that the IRS accepts both checks and money orders. (Laughter and applause.)
Paula: As we laugh, five more soldiers died today in Iraq but anyway...
Paul:  I think this last year, Bush should go without a paycheck.
Paula: We overpay these morons don't we?
Paul:  What the hell do we have to pay him for?  Shacked up in a mansion, 24-hour room service, free first-class air service, chauffeurs, bodyguards, maids, GARDENERS.  I'd live like that quite nicely with no money!

Most Americans think their taxes are high enough.

Paul: And yet another shot at the Dems.

With all the other pressures on their finances, American families should not have to worry about their federal government taking a bigger bite out of their paychecks.
Paul: They will have to worry, however, about being shattered when one of their family members dies in an unjust war.
There's only one way to eliminate this uncertainty: Make the tax relief permanent. (Applause.) And members of Congress should know: If any bill raises taxes reaches my desk, I will veto it. (Applause.)

Paul:  If stem cell passes, I will veto it!
Paula: If gay marriage passes, I will veto it!
Paul:  If Laura wants a divorce, I will veto it!
Paula: If Congress and Senate decide to pull out troops, I will veto it!
Paul:  If the War Crimes Tribunal finds me guilty, I will veto it!
Paula: If Daddy says I can't have ice cream on the ranch, I will veto it!

Just as we trust Americans with their own money, we need to earn their trust by spending their tax dollars wisely.
Paul:  Much more wisely than the $800 billion spent on Iraq?

Next week, I'll send you a budget that terminates or substantially reduces 151 wasteful or bloated programs, totaling more than $18 billion.
Paula: Among those are research for diseases, health-care costs, and educational programs.
Paul:  I won't rest until every one of you old, helpless people lies dead!
Paula: You've lived a full life.  Get out!
The budget that I will submit will keep America on track for a surplus in 2012. American families have to balance their budgets; so should their government. (Applause.)
Paul:  So that was, let's see, $800 billion for Iraq, $500 million for Katrina, $100 million for the tsunami victims.  Oh and ZERO dollars for the No Child Left Behind program!  We're good!
The people's trust in their government is undermined by congressional earmarks -- special interest projects that are often snuck in at the last minute, without discussion or debate.
Paul:  You mean like that Arctic Oil Drilling Program, right amigo!?
Paula: Whoever wrote this speech made him folksy. And Bush is NOT folksy. He was and still is a rich kid.

Last year, I asked you to voluntarily cut the number and cost of earmarks in half.

Paul:  Amazing.  He sees programs that benefit all of mankind as 'earmarks'.
Paula: You know he has no clue what an 'earmark' is.
I also asked you to stop slipping earmarks into committee reports that never even come to a vote. Unfortunately, neither goal was met. So this time, if you send me an appropriations bill that does not cut the number and cost of earmarks in half, I'll send it back to you with my veto. (Applause.)

Paul:  Waaaaah!!
Paula: Such a damned whiner he is!
Paul:  Oh hush Paula or I'll veto you, I swear it!
Paula: Shhhhh!  Here's a valium.

And tomorrow, I will issue an executive order that directs federal agencies to ignore any future earmark that is not voted on by Congress. If these items are truly worth funding, Congress should debate them in the open and hold a public vote. (Applause.)
Paul:  Uh, haven't they been doing that the last 270 years?
Paula: Tommorow I'm ordering Congress to do what it's been doing the last 270 years!
Paul:  Good show, Paula!  Hooray!  Paula for President!
Our shared responsibilities extend beyond matters of taxes and spending. On housing, we must trust Americans with the responsibility of homeownership and empower them to weather turbulent times in the housing market.
Paul:  So basically we're on our own, Jackson.
Paula: I hear ya, McGee.
Paul:  Not my fault, neener neener neener.
My administration brought together the HOPE NOW alliance, which is helping many struggling homeowners avoid foreclosure. And Congress can help even more. Tonight I ask you to pass legislation to reform Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac,

Paul:  now languishing in an Arkansas federal prison...
modernize the Federal Housing Administration, and allow state housing agencies to issue tax-free bonds to help homeowners refinance their mortgages. (Applause.)

Paul:  Yeah, great job shutting that barn door, Dubya.
Paula: Not a horse in sight.
Paul:  We're notorious for it, Paula.
Paula: Yep, we don't recognize a threat until it happens, do we? :-)
Paul:  Did you notice the way Cheney's looking at him?
Paula: *Bela Lugosi voice*  "Pull de string!  Pull de string!!"

These are difficult times for many American families, and by taking these steps, we can help more of them keep their homes.

Paul:  Homes, yes. JOBS -- well that's another story.

To build a future of quality health care, we must trust patients and doctors to make medical decisions and empower them with better information and better options.

Paul:  And that starts by cutting funding for many of their programs.

We share a common goal: making health care more affordable and accessible for all Americans. (Applause.)

Paula: Except those that are old enough to be a burden.
Paul:  We will however help any white women in a vegetative state in Florida.

The best way to achieve that goal is by expanding consumer choice, not government control. (Applause.)

Paul:  I think consumer choice dictated we never wanted this scum-bag for president.
Paula: Consumer choice said not to invade Iraq either, doncha know?
Paul:  Oooh, yah, good point there, Margie.

So I have proposed ending the bias in the tax code against those who do not get their health insurance through their employer. This one reform would put private coverage within reach for millions, and I call on the Congress to pass it this year. (Applause.)

Paula: Better late than never, eh Georgie?
Paul:  We should go to all the children of the nation now and say, "This is NOT the man the country thought they were getting in 2001.  This is a president on his last year, trying to do something to salvage his legacy and get into heaven now." :-)
Paula: Why didn't we do this sooner?
Paul:  Nine-Eleven!
Paula: Will you stop saying that?!
Paul:  But it's the universal answer for everything.  It's like Douglas Adams' '42'!
Paula: Give it a rest, Rudi.
The Congress must also expand health savings accounts, create Association Health Plans for small businesses, promote health information technology, and confront the epidemic of junk medical lawsuits. (Applause.)
Paula: Again, better late than never.
Paul:  This speech should be entitled "the Better Late than Never Speech".
Paula: Or "The Seven-Year Bitch".
Paul:  Oh, I like that.  Spot on, Agnes!

With all these steps, we will help ensure that decisions about your medical care are made in the privacy of your doctor's office -- not in the halls of Congress. (Applause.)
Paul:  AHEM.  Terri Schiavo????
Paula: Don't start!

On education, we must trust students to learn if given the chance, and empower parents to demand results from our schools. In neighborhoods across our country, there are boys and girls with dreams -- and a decent education is their only hope of achieving them.

Paul:  Oh here we go, the No Child Left Behind Act.
Paula: Which still hasn't been funded with a single penny from the government.
Paul:  Amazing.  They come up with the ideas and expect the U.S. to pay for it.

Six years ago, we came together to pass the No Child Left Behind Act,

Paul:  Bing!

and today no one can deny its results. Last year, fourth and eighth graders achieved the highest math scores on record.

Paul:  While First through Third graders, fifth through seventh graders and 9th through 12th graders were not polled in this survey, we're confident they're doing okay too.
Paula: I'm personally reading at an eighth-grade level, and raring to get to "My Pet Goat: The Sequel".

Reading scores are on the rise. African American and Hispanic students posted all-time highs. (Applause.)

Paul:  All ten of them!
Paula: What school did they go to find this out?
Paul:  I don't know.  Someplace that had a lot of Hispanics and blacks.
PAula: East L.A.??

Now we must work together to increase accountability, add flexibility for states and districts, reduce the number of high school dropouts, provide extra help for struggling schools.
Paul:  To do this, we propose another idea for American citizens to pay for.
Paula: Increase accountability?  HAHAHAHAHA!

Members of Congress: The No Child Left Behind Act is a bipartisan achievement. It is succeeding. And we owe it to America's children, their parents, and their teachers to strengthen this good law. (Applause.)
Paul:  Congress to Dubya: Allocate monies to fund the program, you dildo.
Paula: He owes it to America to resign as President too, but I don't see that happening.

We must also do more to help children when their schools do not measure up.
Paula: We shall close down every school that is not measuring up.
Paul:  Can they use the metric system to measure?
Paula: Did you know he made these EXACT same statements in a radio address in October of 2006?
Paul:  My God, he's retooling his speeches!

Thanks to the D.C. Opportunity Scholarships you approved, more than 2,600 of the poorest children in our Nation's Capital have found new hope at a faith-based or other non-public school.
Paul:  They'll grow up to be good, healthy Baptists.
Paula: Do you know that these poor kids really need, Dubya?  How about food and shelter!?
Paul:  You'll be starving and sad all your life, but by gum, you will get an education!
Sadly, these schools are disappearing at an alarming rate in many of America's inner cities.
Paul:  Good!  Less religion in schools!
Paula: Replaced by good, secure drug houses.
So I will convene a White House summit aimed at strengthening these lifelines of learning. And to open the doors of these schools to more children, I ask you to support a new $300 million program called Pell Grants for Kids. We have seen how Pell Grants help low-income college students realize their full potential. Together, we've expanded the size and reach of these grants. Now let us apply that same spirit to help liberate poor children trapped in failing public schools. (Applause.)

Paul:  Of course, we won't be funding THAT either.
Paula: Seven years too late once again, Shrubbery.
Paul:  Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the Presidency on its deathbed.
Paula: *whistles and applause*
On trade, we must trust American workers to compete with anyone in the world and empower them by opening up new markets overseas. Today, our economic growth increasingly depends on our ability to sell American goods and crops and services all over the world.
Paul:  Like it has for the last few centuries.
Paula: Bush, tell us something we don't know just once?
So we're working to break down barriers to trade and investment wherever we can.
Paul:  By allowing China to cut major corners in food and products.

We're working for a successful Doha Round of trade talks, and we must complete a good agreement this year.
Paul:  Because it's my last year and I got nuttin' else! Waaaaaaah!!!

At the same time, we're pursuing opportunities to open up new markets by passing free trade agreements.

Paula: And the barn door closes yet again...
Paul:  We will also allow trading with any country that sends troops to Iraq.

I thank the Congress for approving a good agreement with Peru. And now I ask you to approve agreements with Colombia and Panama and South Korea. (Applause.)
Paul:  Panama, Columbia, Peru?  That's three-quarters of the cocaine trade! Oh...you know, that suddenly made a lot of sense...

Many products from these nations now enter America duty-free, yet many of our products face steep tariffs in their markets. These agreements will level the playing field. They will give us better access to nearly 100 million customers. They will support good jobs for the finest workers in the world: those whose products say "Made in the USA." (Applause.)
Paula: Ah, there's that unbridled arrogance again.
Paul:  Does he not understand that if we start doing that, and other countries see that they lose MONEY trading with us, that they WON'T trade with us anymore?
Paula: That would make sense, yes.
Paul:  I mean, the whole reason these countries survive is because of the tariffs on us!
These agreements also promote America's strategic interests. The first agreement that will come before you is with Colombia, a friend of America that is confronting violence and terror, and fighting drug traffickers.
Paula: And we've done a great job at that.  Kids are now going into the medicine cabinets for more drugs.
Paul:  So we worked on one problem, yet created a bigger one.  Way to go.
If we fail to pass this agreement, we will embolden the purveyors of false populism in our hemisphere.

Paul: Embolden the what?!
Paula:  Nevermind that, why the hell does he have to use the word 'embolden'?  I thought that was reserved for terrorists.
Paul: Nono, INSURGENTS.
Paula:  Ahhhh, okay.  Well, what's the difference?
So we must come together, pass this agreement, and show our neighbors in the region that democracy leads to a better life. (Applause.)
Paul:  Be like us!  Be like us!  Be like us!
Paula: Resistance is useless.  You shall be assimilated!
Trade brings better jobs and better choices and better prices. Yet for some Americans, trade can mean losing a job, and the federal government has a responsibility to help. (Applause.)
Paul:  Let's help by pulling out all troops and cutting all funding to Iraq.
Paula: They have the RESPONSIBILITY to help, but as in so many cases, it will not.
I ask Congress to reauthorize and reform trade adjustment assistance, so we can help these displaced workers learn new skills and find new jobs. (Applause.)
Paul:  I'm begging Congress to leave me a legacy!
Paula: Learn new skills and find new jobs.  Yep, that's a great idea about 100 years in the making.  Thanks, Dubya, well done.
To build a future of energy security, we must trust in the creative genius of American researchers and entrepreneurs and empower them to pioneer a new generation of clean energy technology. (Applause.)
Paula: Again, we'll be helping out by cutting funding on many of their programs as well.
Paul: *Yosemite Sam's voice* Ah hates geniuses!

Our security, our prosperity, and our environment all require reducing our dependence on oil. Last year, I asked you to pass legislation to reduce oil consumption over the next decade, and you responded.

Paul:  By pushing the price of oil to $100 per barrel.
Paula: Who cares?  In the next decade, I'll be safely back on my ranch, hyuk hyuk.
Paul:  No responsibilty to no one anymore, woohoo!

Together we should take the next steps: Let us fund new technologies that can generate coal power while capturing carbon emissions. (Applause.)
Paul:  Please God, give me a legacy!

Let us increase the use of renewable power and emissions-free nuclear power. (Applause.)

Paul:  Let us make pigs fly.
Paula: Let us do ALL of this in one year's time.
Paul:  Let us salvage my lousy presidency!

Let us continue investing in advanced battery technology and renewable fuels to power the cars and trucks of the future. (Applause.)

Paul:  Notice how he pauses each time.  There's got to be an "Applause" sign out there somewhere.  He's looking at them like, "If you don't applaud, I'll send your ass overseas."
Paula: How anyone, any human being, can possibly still applaud this scum -- is just beyond belief.
Paul:  They're doing it only because it's his last year.  It's a "You tried your best" applause.
Paula: Oh, pity applause.
Paul:  There you go.

Let us create a new international clean technology fund, which will help developing nations like India and China make greater use of clean energy sources. And let us complete an international agreement that has the potential to slow, stop, and eventually reverse the growth of greenhouse gases. (Applause.)

Paula: AGAIN, seven years too late, Dubya!
Paul:  How long is 'eventually'?
Paula: Long after he's dead.  And you.
Paul:  I need a break, can we pause this?
Paula: Sure, I guess.  You okay?
Paul:  I can only listen to so much shit for just so long before I realize it doesn't make a sound.
Paula: That's deep, Paul.
Paul:  Well, so is this shit.
Paula: Touche'.  We'll be right back... ;-)

*click*
 

We both stood there and looked at the glowing lights, the shining ornaments, the strings of pretty plastic pearls lacing across and down the sides. It looked like an amazing tree. We smiled at each other and hugged, close to tears. Grimalkin paused in licking his front paw on the sofa, staring at us quizzically.
"Aww, why are you two so gloomy? It's Christmas..." The burly cat hopped down and sat in front of us. "This is supposed to be a happy, joyous occasion."
"Oh, we're happy, definitely," Paula spoke up, kneeling down on the floor to scratch his ears. "It's just that this is such a turnaround from the year before, it feels like last Christmas was a nightmare that never happened..."
"You two were sad..." Karma, our littlest, joined us by the tree, curling up close to her older "brother-cat". "I remember you sat there at the dining room table and picked out books from the shelves to wrap as gifts...and you didn't have much of a dinner, either. We were all starving that day..."
Paula nodded. "That's right. Remember when we left the three of you alone to drive to Paul's parents' house too?"
"Oh God, the wind!" Mystery crept up on her feline companions, sitting between them. "I can't remember when it was so windy on Christmas, no snow...just this unending howl. We were so scared and jumpy; remember, you couldn't find Karma when you walked into the house."
"Hey! I was just going someplace to escape all the noise, that's all..."
I grinned at Paula. "Remember my parents' place? Not only did they not get you a present, they made us both feel guilty for complaining about the long drive in 60 mph wind gusts..."
"You know, I've STILL not gotten my gift from the "secret Santa" pool yet?"
"Don't remind me. In fact, let's not think about it anymore. That was Christmas of 2009..."
We laughed and looked at each other, imitating Comic-Book Guy from the Simpsons. "Worst. Christmas. EVER."
The cats watched the lighted tree for a few moments, then Mystery spoke up quietly. "Christmas 2010. Hmm. Has a nice ring to it. Like it means something..."
"Maybe it does," I shrugged and sat down on the floor so she could cuddle in my lap. "I think it means a lot already. I mean, look at all these presents...we're actually dressed well, I'm shaved and clean. The house looks nice, we have all these cards and decor all up..."
The cat purrred softy and nuzzled against my chin. "Is this our best Christmas?"
"Well," I chuckled as Paula joined the group, holding Karma and Grimalkin close to her side. "We'll just have to see what next year brings..."

What a difference a year makes. This time last year, about this time, Paula and I chose about ten books, some old candles and a plate - and wrapped them in Christmas paper, just so we had something to place under the tree. I know Christmas isn't about the tree, or the gifts, or the money...but it's REALLY hard to feel Christmas in our hearts - if we don't see it, or hear it, or sense it in our minds. Maybe I'm over-commercializing it. Maybe Christmas does mean a little bit more to me. I'm not a big fan of the Grinch story because I DON'T believe people can be happy on Christmas without food, or presents, or a tree.

Yeah, I know it's supposed to be about this prophet born in Bethlehem who ended up doing a lot of good things for the world.

But if you recall, Baby Jesus got gifts. =)

So I think my logic is sane. I don't know how Paula feels about all this, and my reasoning, but I'm sure she'll agree. You can have good Christmases and bad Christmases. You can have the WORST Christmas of your life one year.

All you have to do is come back stronger next year. We did, and we couldn't be happier.

Merry Christmas to you all. We hope our story enlightens you enough to be thankful for the Christmas you're having now, the Christmases you've had in the past, and the many Christmases still to come...

With love from the writers and the cats... =)

We were all watching "60 Minutes" last night, the five of us. It's hard for cats to take an interest in a talking head on the screen, but they realized we were interested, so they feigned it nicely, curled up together on the floor.
"Geez," I remarked, "So New Jersey's governor, Chris Christie, thinks the best way to get out of the current state's debt is to cut every tax, cut as many jobs as possible, and forget paying back the state-sponsored or civil employee pensions anytime soon..."
"It's root hog or die now," Paula scoffed, "Nothing personal, America, just back to the jungle, every man for himself, pick your cliche..."
Mystery looked up at us with her wide boo-eyes. "Hogs?"
"Well, yeah, in Colonial times, we let the pigs go out into the fields to fend for themselves after a corn crop. It was cheaper to let them forage, and not have to feed them. So Mr. Christie here is simply doing the same. He's counting on the disgruntled people picking up work somehow, to fend off bankruptcies, foreclosures, etc..."
Mystery snorted. "What a way to run a state. Why is it that your leaders seem to see that the only solution to anything is to cut taxes and expenses?"
"It's called saving money," Grimalkin yawned and then curled up on his side. "The main focus of just about any business these days is to cut expenses. Less expenses, less overhead, and you get more profits..."
"Well, sure, everyone knows THAT. But this isn't a business; it's a state, or a country..."
"Runs the same way, sweetie," I knelt down to the floor to pet her, and she rolled onto her back, batting at my hand. "Think of America like this huge apartment complex, and we're tenants who pay for the services around it; like electricity, heating, water," I pointed to the TV, "entertainment, internet, and so on. Now a lot of apartments are starting to get older, more run-down, and dilapidated, and we can't take the time or effort to spruce them up again. So other apartments either have to take on the expenses of caring for these eye-sores, or look for other places that interest us."
"So people might stop shopping for things in New Jersey?"
"Possibly, yeah..."
"Well, that's just dumb." Karma sat up on her haunches and gave us her coldest stare. "The POINT is spending. If New Jersey is suffering, shouldn't we be plugging MORE money into that area?"
"Absolutely. Online shoppers might want to consider going only to places like New Jersey to get goods, just to help businesses there succeed, and they in turn help others..."
"How will that help?"
Paula replied, "I recall a story on NBC News, about a pharmacy in the South that was offering a $100 bonus or something to each of his employees. The stipulation was that they could only spend that $100 in their own small town..."
"Why?"
"Oooh, I know," Mystery sat up too, "Because they are putting money back into the businesses there, which allows them to thrive and continue paying their employees, who are in turn serving customers, who will continue to buy from them..."
"That's exactly right. So instead of shunning New Jersey, and letting them fend for themselves, we, and more people like us, should be doing as much business as we can in New Jersey, Ohio, Illinois, Michigan, any of the states with the worst debts right at this moment. We help these states pull out from under, and they'll be able to help their own people more...think globally, buy locally..."
We all looked at the TV deep in thought for a moment.
Karma whispered to Mystery. "Do you think Americans are willing to do something like that?"
Mystery chuckled. "I have no idea. If they're truly Americans, and care about their country, I sure hope so..."

>^^<

We're excited, obviously! Our new website went live about three hours ago, and it's been fun. Streamlined, sleek, filled with good words, and lots of links. We hope it vaults us to the top of the Google realm. Time will tell!

Ebooks are coming! We're going to start with "Planning the Purrfect Meeting" very soon available on-line, so look for that soon! =)

And yes, more pictures and adventures of Grimalkin, Mystery and Karma coming as well! =)

Edit: Karma peeks at the screen, and then at Paul. "Um..." She reaches forward, tapping the glass with a paw. "Linky?"
"Right...sorry, overworked..."
www.scribesunlimited.com

They must understand what is happening, because all three of them came into the office a moment ago, and curled up together on the carpet, just relaxing, looking resigned and strangely calm.

These little monkeys know quite well what death is all about and what happens next. We'd like to think they understand how wonderful of a person Elizabeth Edwards was. She was always admired for her courage, ever since being diagnosed with breast cancer in 2004. We all knew she's been handed a death-sentence even then.

Grimalkin and Mystery were still kittens at that time, and Karma wasn't even a gleam in a cat's eye yet. But the four of us were huddled together when Senator Edwards made the tragic announcement and that he was still planning to run with Kerry. She showed courage even then.

When John Edwards was found out for indiscretions later on, we saw Elizabeth take on an entirely different kind of courage: allowing the media and the world to poke into her private life, and the lives of her family, for the sake of a juicy tabloid cover.

Malkie just got up from the carpet just now and has padded over to watch me (Paul) typing this out. I look over at him, and he looks up at me with the adorable dumb expression we all love. I know he senses a little sadness in me right now. I guess I'm sad mostly because Elizabeth said what amounted to a farewell to the world on her Facebook page the day before. It was haunting; like she knew she was going soon.

I'm inwardly glad that cats do not understand death, or mortality. They don't know when their bodies are too frail, and they don't understand why we cry when we lose someone.

Well, I'd better get off of the blog for now, and give these cats some attention and perhaps some dinner. They're all looking at me now - and I'm somehow certain they can sense I'm a little sad...

So we have cats surrounding Paula in the kitchen now, tails held high, whiskers twitching in curiosity. Their eyes gleam; almost like little pinpoints. They are ravenous. And you know why? Paula's making Greek Cinnamon chicken, a classic recipe passed down through the ages. Here what you need:
Preparation time: 90 minutes.

4 to 6 pieces of chicken, thighs or breasts (bones can be left in or out. Keep the bones in for extra flavor)
2 small onions
2 tbsp of butter
1 tbsp of extra virgin olive oil (or any kind of olive oil; we all love EVOO)
ground cinnamon, salt, and pepper to taste. You can balance this out yourself; we like a lot of cinnamon on ours.
1 stick of cinnamon to add for extra flavor
1/2 bottle of your favorite tomato sauce, or 1 small can of tomato paste
2 cups of chicken broth
pinch of sugar to cut the tomato acidity

Okay, now watch the magic. Season the chicken with salt, pepper and cinnamon. Set aside. Don't let the cats near it, no matter how they beg.  Chop the onions (definitely keep THIS away from the cats; it can hurt them =( ) and brown them while the butter is melting in a large dutch-oven type pan with cover. As soon as the butter browns slightly, add olive oil to keep it from burning. Brown the chicken skin-side down until you get a nice crust. Turn chicken over and add chicken broth and tomato sauce (or paste). Add the cinnamon stick. Bring to a boil, making sure the chicken is covered with the liquid. Once it's boiling, simmer uncovered until the liquid is reduced. Cover and cook for 45 minutes on low.

Serve this over your favorite pasta, and for extra flavor, brown some butter over the pasta. That's it!  You go now! Cook!

Malkie, get away from the stove!

"You're such a Grinch!" Karma complained suddenly, bounding atop of Malkie as he lay curled up quietly on the living room rug last night.
"Ow, ow...get off me! I am not!" The two cats rolled around a few times, biting and scratching at one another before Karma hopped back off, panting, then easing herself down to go into pounce-mode again.
"Will you two stop it?" Paula and I came into the room with some eggnog and sat down. "Karma, do you even know what a Grinch is?"
"Sure!" she chimed, shaking herself all over. "It's a big green thing that attacks Christmas. And...and takes gifts away from others and hides them in mountains for you to find...?"
Mystery giggled from her place on the couch, relaxing in a ball of fur. She lifted her head up from her tail and sniffed. "Come on, you're not even close!"
"Alright, so what is he then?"
The older girl thought a moment and then smiled. "Well, he just plain hates Christmas...and um..."
"Hmm, if I may, you three, I think I have the book here..." I walked over to the bookcase we all shared and picked out the Dr. Seuss masterpiece. Sitting down, the other three cats surrounded me curiously. "Okay, let's see..." And I began to read:

"Every Who down in Whoville liked Christmas a lot...
But the Grinch, who lived just north of Whoville, did NOT!"

Karma: "Wait, are these the same Whos that Horton heard?"
Paul:     "Who?"
Karma: "You knowwww, the elephant, Horton, with the flower? And he had to save them?"
Paul:    "Look, can we move on? It doesn't really matter which Whos the Whos were. Whose telling the story is important..."
Mystery: "But...Who IS telling the story?"
Paul:    "A Who in Whoville, I imagine...anyway, may I continue?"
Mystery: "Sorry."

"The Grinch hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be his head wasn't screwed on just right.
It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight..."

Karma: "Or, it could be that maybe he was a Muslim Who!"
Mystery: "He's NOT a Who!"
Karma:  "Oh right, he's The Grinch.  What's THAT mean?  THE Grinch. Is he the last of his kind or something?"
Mystery: "Well, maybe he comes down from the mountain and pro-creates, how should I know?"
Malkie:  "So there could be, like, Who-Grinches down there.  What's the whole deal with Whoville then?  Are they trying to pass themselves off as their own society, and others aren't welcome?"
Karma:  "If they were in Arkansas or something, obviously we'd be bringing up the maaajor inbreeding going on here..."
Mystery: "Oh, yes..."

"But I think that the most likely reason of all,
May have been that his heart was two sizes too small..."

Malkie: "Isn't that a terminal affliction?"
Mystery: "Oh you're so right, that's practically fatal. I don't see how he survived in the mountains at this rate. The smaller heart indicates a need for more oxygen, and there's hardly enough on a mountain top...".
Paul:    "Will you two stop? He's fine...you'll see. It's just a metaphor to show he doesn't have much of a heart..."
Mystery and Malkie: "Ohhh."

"Whatever the reason, his heart or his shoes,
He stood there on Christmas Eve... hating the Whos..."

Malkie:  "Hmm, you know, hate's a pretty vicious word.  Can't he just dislike them a little?  We're teaching children to hate something on the holidays and that's just not right."
Mystery:  "Oh, and your anti-disestablishment comment was?"
Malkie:  "Okay, point made, move on."
Karma:  "Although, he could be like the anti-Who..."
Paul:      "Um...what...?"
Karma:  "You know, the opposite of the Whos. Maybe there was a great war between Grinches and Whos and he's not gotten over his petty bigotry..."
Mystery: (snickering) "Hello, I'm The Grinch, founder of the Who Klux Klan..."
Karma and Malkie: (giggling)
Paul:      "Guys, please...I'm trying to teach a very good lesson here..."

"Staring down from his cave with a sour, Grinchy frown,
At the warm lighted windows below in their town.
For he knew every Who down in Whoville beneath,
Was busy now, hanging a mistletoe wreath..."

Malkie: "Anti-social little spud, isn't he?"
Karma: "Well, can you blame him?  (puts a paw on the page) He's obviously got a pretty bad skin disease here.  Maybe they booted him out of Whoville, and that's why he hates them."
Malkie: "Ah...So this is truly a tale about social status and the lengths of persons to keep their society pure."
Karma: "Oh indeed."


Malkie:  "He could have had leprosy..."
Paul:      "Oh for God's sakes, no he didn't, Malkie. He's just...green..."
Karma:  "Odd color for a hateful Grinch. I'd have gone with red..."
Mystery: "He doesn't realize he's already festive in that color, the poor thing..."

"And they're hanging their stockings!" he snarled with a sneer,
"Tomorrow is Christmas! It's practically here!"
Then he growled, with his Grinch fingers nervously drumming,
"I MUST find some way to stop Christmas from coming!"

Malkie:  "I must find a way to stop time!"
Mystery:  "See, THIS is the problem with some members of a society.  They want something to change for their OWN satisfaction, and never consider the needs of the majority, nor the ramifications of their actions."


"For tomorrow, he knew, all the Who girls and boys,
Would wake bright and early. They'd rush for their toys!"

Mystery: (deadpanned expression) "Because that's really what Christmas is all about..."

Karma:  "You mean it's not?"

"And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the Noise!"
Noise! Noise! Noise!
That's one thing he hated! The NOISE!
NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!"

Karma:   "Ow ow, you're shouting..."
Paul:       "Sorry."
Malkie:   "Wait, he lives on a MOUNTAIN, what could he possibly hear?"
Paul:       "Well, Whoville sits in a valley; so I suppose he hears the echos."
Karma:   "Yeah, if it, like, caused avalanches or something, I'd hate it too, I guess."
Malkie:   "So he's anti-social AND against music?  What's he do up there anyway?"
Mystery: "Hating things, probably...he'd make a great critic."

Then the Whos, young and old, would sit down to a feast.
And they'd feast! And they'd feast! And they'd FEAST!
FEAST! FEAST! FEAST!"

Malkie:  "Yeah, sustenance in order to survive sure is annoying..."
Mystery: "He must not eat a lot."
Karma:   "Well, he looks a little chubby in the picture. Maybe he's dieting and the Whos are rubbing his face in it?"
Mystery: "So he hates the Whos because they have food, basically."
Malkie:   "That'll work."





"They would feast on Who-pudding, and rare Who-roast beast.
Which was something the Grinch couldn't stand in the least!"

Malkie:  "Uhh...Beast?"
Paul:      "I know, is it poultry, beef, pork, no one knows..."
Karma:  "Is it rare, meaning hard to find, or is that how it's cooked?"
Mystery: "Well, Grinchie doesn't like it.  Oooh, maybe it's one of his type of species.  That could be it. Oh my, maybe they're eating-"
Malkie:  "Oh that's sick! That's just wrong. Why would they eat a Grinch?"
Karma:  "Well, to be clear, it's "beast"."
Mystery: "Maybe they just renamed it "beast" in secret...like mahi-mahi, which is dolphin..."
Malkie:   "Well, I just know I'd be mad as a hornet if someone were eating my cousin..."

"And THEN they'd do something he liked least of all!
Every Who down in Whoville, the tall and the small,
Would stand close together, with Christmas bells ringing.
They'd stand hand-in-hand. And the Whos would start singing!
They'd sing! And they'd sing! And they'd SING!
SING! SING! SING!"

Karma:  "Again, he's not a fan of music..."
Malkie:  "Well, singing might really cause bad avalanches too. I get his point."
Karma:  "Sing with me!"
Mystery: "What should we sing?"
Malkie: "They'd sing songs about conformity, and brazen Who-power!
Karma:  "Which would tend to get louder hour by hour!
Mystery: "Which would explain the look on the Grinch face so sour!"
Paul:       "COULD WE?"
All three cats:  "Sorry..."

"And the more the Grinch thought of this Who ChristmasSing,
The more the Grinch thought, "I must stop this whole thing!"
"Why, for fifty-three years I've put up with it now!"
"I MUST stop this Christmas from coming! But HOW?"

Malkie:  "And the Grinch thought, "I know. I'll go back into time, run to Bethlehem, kill Jesus..."
Karma:  "He's 53 years old?  Or, is that just how long he's hated Christmas?"
Malkie:  "Yeah, if it's been 53 years, you'd think he'd be used to it by now."
Mystery: "Maybe he had a bad relationship."
Karma:   "With a Who."
Paul:       "Actually in the original tale, I think the Grinch DID have a love interest. Her name was Martha May Whovier in the live-action movie...sort of a cheapshot to Seuss, I always thought."
Karma:   "I'm sorry, but if he's seen something going on for 53 years, and the Whos have NEVER invited him?  Hello? Time to leave Whoville!"
Malkie:   "And The Grinch was so mad he thought he would cry / And he sniffed, "Maybe I'll give San Francisco a try..."
Mystery and Karma: (giggling)
Paul:      (sighing) "Moving on..."

"Then he got an idea! An awful idea! THE GRINCH GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!"

Mystery: "See, to me, this is so wrong. This is just just what I was talking about, the tendancy for some humans to bring about radical changes only to suit themselves and not the general populace...You see it in almost every James Bond film."
Karma:  "Says the feline who causes the humans to radically change the litterbox daily..."
Mystery: "Excuse me??"
Malkie:   "Uh-oh. I'll just go lie down upstairs for a while, I think..."
Paul:       (closing the book) "Wait for me..."

Copyright Thedore S. Geisel, 1957 - "How the Grinch Stole Christmas"
Published by Random House

So we were sitting in the living room last night, surfing through channels. Hardly anything on anymore. We found that we really only watch four shows religiously. Hawaii Five-O, CSI, Criminal Minds, and the Big Bang Theory. It's no surprise all four of these are on CBS. NBC had their day in the sun with "Kelsey Grammar", "Friends", "Will and Grace", and others. Now it's just plain reality comedy; formulaic, boring, obnoxious. Paula won't even touch "The Office" because of Steve Correll's role in it. She seems to indicate that one of her former bosses was exactly the same way.

Spooky...

Anyway, Karma, our littlest cat, hopped up onto the sofa where Paula lay on her side perusing notes for tomorrow's work assignment. The cat purred and stretched, padding carefully up her body and settling on her hip, looking at her with slitted green eyes. "Attention now, please," she meowed, digging claws into the blanket the woman had over her. It amazes me how skittish the 5-year-old is around me, and yet with Paula at her mercy, she's as affectionate and sweet as any little black cat in the world. Maybe she just doesn't like guys. Well, guy humans anyway. She follows after Grimalkin, our 21-pound bear of a black cat, like a lovesick puppy. Too bad for her and him though. They're both without working kitty-making parts.

Mystery climbed up onto my lap as Karma was settling in for the night, purred to submission with just a few rubs across her back from Paula. My own lap cat looked at me, then back at the TV set I was channeling through, startled as I gave a quick cry of alarm and switched channels quickly to CBS to catch "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" for a moment. All 20 pounds of her shuffled around in my lap and across my belly, and I had a tough time breathing for a minute.

"What did you do that for?! You scared me!" Mystery meowed at me, her yellow eyes wide. Boo-eyes, we call them.
"Sorry, Rudolph was on, it's sort of a tradition...been watching it for about 40 years or so; you guys have seen it about five times yourselves..."
The cat shook her head and sighed. "I never quite understood that show. Isn't it clearly just a tale of reindeer angst and separatism, the very essence of conformity, and the beginnings of fascism?"
"What are you talking about?"
Mystery put a paw on my nose. "The red nose, stupid. Clearly this was some form of species bigotry..."
"Wait, wait, Rudolph wasn't a red-nosed reindeer. He was a reindeer with a red nose. There's no such thing as a red-nosed reindeer species-wise...is there?"
"I'm sure there is, if Rudolph got busy with another reindeer..."
"Well, that's crazy. Red noses aren't inherited."
Grimalkin (affectionately named "Malkie") joined the group just then, moving like a bear in the woods until he sat down in front of us. "What about Hermie?"
"What about him?"
"Yeah, what about the elf?", Mystery chimed in, "The one that wanted to be a dentist, right? There's a CLEAR example of conformity right there."

I looked at her thoughtfully. "Okay, granted, Hermie wanted to be a dentist, I get that. If you're not happy in your job, you should look for another, sure..."
Karma opened one green eye and looked at all of us before yawning widely, stretching a foreleg. "But it wasn't just that," she mewed softly, more awake. "I mean, he was an ELF. What else is an elf supposed to do on the North Pole? Hermie should have compromised. A part-time dentistry career after the holidays would have probably sufficed..."
Malkie nodded. "I concur. I also had a problem with the misfit toys...Your human society leads us to believe that misfits are to be treated entirely differently, and to be ridiculed and publicized in the mainstream media."
Paula objected. "Now wait a minute here. Those toys needed homes and if you saw in the end, they did indeed find themselves homes...so all worked out for the best..."
Malkie batted an ear at her. "Do you think people are going to realize a bird can swim, that's NOT a penguin? The moment they see that bird, their first instinct will be to coop the poor thing into a cage. And then they'll be shocked to death come a week later, they find the poor feathered thing dead on the bottom of the cage of dehydration..."
"Alright, alright, hold it...just hold it..." My head was spinning.
"And the water pistol that squirted jelly, Jesus H. Christ. Someone obviously filled the thing up with jelly, that's all..."
"Malkie!"
"And what about the cowboy that rode an ostrich?" added Karma, getting up to her haunches, "I mean, it's laughable. An ostrich's kick is about 2,000 pounds of force. No cowboy in the world would survive atop an ostrich..."
"It was a toy!"
"So? And the spotted elephant? What's wrong with a spotted elephant?!"
Mystery nodded, "Or the dolly named Sue, what was wrong with her?"
Karma giggled. "And the CHARLIE in the box? Oh. My. God. What court system exists in this country that allows a toy to name himself?!"
Paula started to laugh. "You know who I felt really bad for? The bumble. That Abominable Snow monster thing..."
"Which is only found in the Himalayas, if I recall." Malkie smiled. "He was WAY off course."
I sighed and shook my head. "Why did everyone feel sorry for him?"
Karma replied, "Well, he lost all his teeth, for one thing. That's just begging for mouth cancer...I give that monster another two, three years of life at best..."
Mystery blinked. "Hermie's a DENTIST. I'm sure he helped the bumble."
"Provided the elf manager lets him have the dentist office. You're speculating."
"I'm merely pointing out that since the bumble proved helpful, he'll get free dental insurance..."
Malkie snorted. "But he's not an elf...and therein lies the whole conformity issue that was brought up earlier..."
Paula sighed, "Do you know who got the shortest end of the stick? Yukon Cornelius. The poor man's been going after silver and gold all his life, and he ends up in Santa's shop helping elves the rest of his life. His dreams are shattered forever..."
Karma hmmed. "How'd he get to the North Pole anyway?"
"Huh?"
"Well, the show takes place in 1965; weren't we at the height of the Cold War at this time? How the hell did he get through Russia?"
Mystery shrugged, "Maybe Yukon has duel citizenship..."
"Well, that would make him a communist..."
"He WASN'T a Communist," I growled, exasperated. "Look, could we just watch the show in peace for a while and not bicker?"
The three cats looked at each other and shrugged, laying down and watching the television.
"How is it the snowman knows all of this?"
"Karma..."
"Sorry..."
"Reindeer games, that's hilarious..."
"Malkie..."
"Okay, okay..."
"Paul, how do reindeer fly?"
I stroked Mystery's ears and chuckled. "Santa magic, sweetheart..."
She looked at me for a moment. "Drugs."
"Yep, drugs..."
"Definitely drugs..."
"You know what, I'm just going to change the channel now..."

Making sure our blog is working nicely. We dig the template design. The spooky cats in the foreground, watching the city in the distance. True art. Great job, Btemplates! =)