The Musings of Writers and Cats

The tragic events in Arizona today should be a wake up call to all those who spew hate filled rhetoric. The tea party and their queen need to reassess their priorities and realize that their actions and their support of threats and violence - from cross hairs on websites and subliminal hate mongering - have real consequences. Their actions are not American and reminiscent of third world banana republics.  These are the people who wear the flag lapel pins and pretend to believe in the principles of our nation, but are actually and secretly anxious for someone to overthrow the constitution that they've never read and create a fascist state.

There is much power in symbols.  So when someone puts a cross hair on a website it shows a certain callous disregard for life.  Just as burning a flag desecrates someones belief, standing around with guns and shooting off 20 rounds and killing people desecrates our belief in the sanctity of life.

Words are vital to the well being of this country.  "We hold these truths to be self evident, that all men are created equal and are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights, that among these are LIFE, LIBERTY AND THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS."  These are the principles upon which we thrive and anyone who doesn't adhere to their meaning is unaware of the true purpose of this great nation.

There are other words that have equal meaning "We the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare and secure the blessings of Liberty to ourselves and Our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America." 

Last Thursday, an expurgated reading of the constitution of this nation was read in the halls of Congress by duly elected representatives.  It is a living breathing document and has for over 200 years provided us with the guidelines for our nation.  Today, in Arizona, a man whose limited understanding of what this country is, shot a duly elected representative of this nation.  This is not what AMERICANs do.  They don't like someone, they elect someone else.  They argue, they debate, and occasionally they call each other names, but in the long run, and when it comes down to it, they stand together.

Only today, the actions in Arizona showed how deep the hatred that the tea party has for this nation runs.  It is frightening and it should be a wake up call to all Americans - true Americans - to remind them that the price of liberty is to be ever vigilant or our domestic tranquility will shatter like glass in a strong wind.

Our country was founded on debate, on compromise and civil discourse. Those who carry out their beliefs with gun in hand denigrate what it means to be an American. My advice to all of you secretly cheering the venal and heinous actions in Arizona today as a show of your influence should look to your souls. They are in danger.

Paula

So we were reading about this company, Freelance Home Writers (I know, what a delicious company name, right? Every word is a key word that points you from "work at home" to "freelance" to "writing" in one feel swoop. Genius.) and asked them a couple of questions.

See, we've been freelance writers both for a VERY long time, since BEFORE the internet became such a world. We watched freelance writing farms by the THOUSANDS teem with projects and opportunities, grabbing juicy commissions, and hurting millions of writers worldwide by not paying them as much as they should. It is these kind of farms that are hurting the entire freelance industry on a whole.

So, when we caught wind of this Freelance Home Writers company, we checked them out. You'll pay about $50 a month to look over their contingent of jobs, and they respectfully call the job-holders they advertise as "employers". I thought...well, that doesn't seem right, so I helpfully contacted customer support, happy to get a chat line:
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Thanks for contacting us. Please hold a moment while we route your chat to a specialist who will help you with your question: 'We're interested, but have no idea how this works....'
laura has received your message and will be right with you.
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laura says:    04:27:56 PM
Hello, my name is Laura. Give me a moment while I access your account.
Paul says:    04:28:08 PM
I don't have an account.
laura says:    04:28:31 PM

One moment please Paul
Paul says:    04:32:54 PM
?
laura says:    04:33:41 PM
sorry Paul, its very busy today. Our site lists over 300 opportunities per day to do freelance writing jobs on your own time on your own computer, at home
laura says:    04:33:55 PM
Sorry over 3000 not 300
Paul says:    04:34:33 PM
We're both freelance writers so we know the drill. What our concern is...how are you finding these opportunities? Is this through a broker, a farm, etc?
Paul says:    04:35:07 PM
So we're paying you a fee, plus a monthly charge...not to actually get jobs, but to get wind of jobs, correct?
laura says:    04:35:18 PM
I have no idea Paul.
Paul says:    04:35:44 PM
Look, Laura, let's start the new year right. Be honest with us, okay?
laura says:    04:35:58 PM
I am Paul
Paul says:    04:36:06 PM
So the idea is, we're paying a fee...to view jobs available. We're not given jobs. Right?
laura says:    04:36:46 PM
Correct
Paul says:    04:37:18 PM
I don't understand. Why are we paying a monthly recurring charge if we still have to apply and fight over projects?
laura says:    04:38:40 PM
so you do not have to take YOUR time look for them. They are all in one place so you can use your time to apply and work
laura says:    04:39:02 PM
and make $
Paul says:    04:39:06 PM
Ma'am, we're freelance writers. Most of us have the extra time to look. =)
Paul says:    04:39:39 PM
I'd venture about 95% of the people signing up have the extra time. They don't want to sit in a queue and wait to be called.
Paul says:    04:39:59 PM
What can you offer that others can't?
laura says:    04:40:00 PM
That is why we offer the 7 day trial .. so you can see if this is right for you or not.
Paul says:    04:40:26 PM
Why not just arrange to pay you people a commission fee for jobs you match us up with?
laura says:    04:41:07 PM
We are not the employers, we only list the jobs daily for you
Paul says:    04:41:40 PM
I know that, but as the listers, isn't the site responsible to the employer at that point?
laura says:    04:42:19 PM
not that I am aware of. I do not know how they obtain the projects, therefore can not honestly answer that question
Paul says:    04:43:26 PM
See, this is my concern, and please let me explain. We have been freelance writers for about 15 years, okay? And we KNOW what goes on. Most of the freelance writing jobs now listed, do not come from employers, but from OTHER farms, such as Elance, and others, ok?
Paul says:    04:43:37 PM
So...we'd never see full payment for our work. =(
laura says:    04:43:56 PM
So how may I help you here Paul?
Paul says:    04:45:02 PM
You can help me by telling us why your company isn't checking out and screening their employers. If we're going to pay for your services, isn't it in your best interest to make sure the projects listed our legit, and not "farmed out"?
Paul says:    04:45:12 PM
our=are, sorry.
laura says:    04:45:13 PM
We offer the 7 day trial for you to see how the jobs are set up and offered. It would be my suggestion for you tosee if this a good fit for you
Paul says:    04:46:30 PM
But what about the projects and the employers represented?
laura says:    04:46:37 PM
I am here to help you with your account. I have no idea if managment is or is not screening the employers Paul
Paul says:    04:46:39 PM
How are we to know these have been screened?
Paul says:    04:46:52 PM
Well, shouldn't someone know for sure?! =(
Paul says:    04:47:27 PM
You understand my concern, right, Laura? I hope?
Paul says:    04:47:56 PM
I'm paying a monthly fee - and it's possible the job I want...isn't an actual employer?
laura says:    04:48:10 PM
again Paul, I would suggest trying the 7 day trial to see if this is what you desire or not. I do not know what type of screening is done. 
Paul says:    04:48:27 PM
Is there someone in management I can speak to by phone?
laura says:    04:48:47 PM
I would suggest reading the terms and conditions then as that is your agreement if you become a member
Paul says:    04:48:56 PM
Because, if you're charging people nearly 600 a year...I think they should know why. =(
laura says:    04:49:05 PM
you can call 800-750-7660
Paul says:    04:49:16 PM
May I ask again, is there someone in management I can speak to by phone please?
laura says:    04:49:20 PM
you will need to speak to a manager
Paul says:    04:49:23 PM
and whom do I ask for?
laura says:    04:49:34 PM
a manager Paul
Paul says:    04:49:45 PM
I would like a name please.
laura says:    04:49:50 PM
Sorry I was unable to answer you more
Paul says:    04:50:09 PM
Surely you know whom your manager is, right?
laura says:    04:50:39 PM
unfortunately I do not have that for you Paul. I do not know who would be the appropriate reference for your questions
laura says:    04:50:57 PM
Again, I am sorry I am unable to help you more.
Paul says:    04:51:01 PM
I don't understand. Don't you have a supervisor?
laura says:    04:51:22 PM
Again, I am sorry I am unable to help you more.
Paul says:    04:51:36 PM
Laura, please be reasonable with me.
Paul says:    04:51:42 PM
I'm asking a very simple request.
Paul says:    04:51:53 PM
I'm also logging this entire conversation.
laura says:    04:52:15 PM
I have answered your questions to the best of my ability. I am sorry I can not help you more Paul
Paul says:    04:52:26 PM
Please tell me whom I speak to in management.
laura says:    04:52:41 PM
May I suggest you call the number I gave you and request a manager as I suggested before.
Paul says:    04:53:00 PM
No, I'm not going to call without a name. it's not courteous.
laura says:    04:53:06 PM
Again, unfortunately I do not have that for you Paul. I do not know who would be the appropriate reference for your questions
Paul says:    04:53:18 PM
The proper way is to address by name in the U.S.
laura says:    04:54:14 PM
I will be terminating this conversation as I have answered your questions to the best of my ability and you keep asking the same questions I am unable to answer. I am sorry Paul, you will need to call and ask for a manager please.
laura says:    04:54:36 PM
Good day
Paul says:    04:54:41 PM
So...when I write my review for Freelance Home Writers, I should write that Freelance Home Writers has zero control over who lists projects?
laura left this room.
Paul says:    04:54:51 PM
I wouldn't suggest you hang up just yet.

So Laura hung up and closed the chat at this point. Needless to say, I was not happy with what I was learning. People pay this company about 600 a year - and they have no idea if the jobs placed are even legit?! What's to stop these people from simply "creating" leads by themselves? Say, a Texas company needs someone to write video games. 100 people on Freelance Home Writers could apply for it - but who knows who got it? They could easily just create a fictional listing, a fictional gmail account to send to, and viola - you apply, get a happy "Thanks for applying" email back - and then nothing else.

I thought, "Well, perhaps I should call them." but then I thought, if Laura won't tell me, maybe someone else will. I placed my same contact information, and tried another chat. This time, I seemed to get a "manager". Not that I believe that. =)

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Thanks for contacting us. Please hold a moment while we route your chat to a specialist who will help you with your question: 'I was hung up on without getting an answer to a qu...'
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brittney says:    04:56:56 PM
Hi my name is Brittney, I am the Manager
Paul says:    04:57:18 PM
Wonderful. Could you please address my earlier concerns?
brittney says:    04:57:39 PM
We affiliate with Other companies
Paul says:    04:58:05 PM
But they're not the direct employers, are they?
brittney says:    04:58:18 PM

Yes they are
Paul says:    04:58:33 PM
No, they're not. If you pull someone out of Elance, no.
Paul says:    04:58:42 PM
or whatever other farm is out there.
Paul says:    04:59:00 PM
Trust me, I'm a freelance writer of about 15 years. I know how the system works.
Paul says:    04:59:28 PM
So, if people are paying a monthly fee, to work for employers... this is wrong then.
brittney says:    04:59:32 PM
So what would you like me to tell you
Paul says:    04:59:38 PM
you should not call them employers. =(
Paul says:    04:59:57 PM
I want you to change the scope of your business, because you're lying to people paying you money. =(
Paul says:    05:00:32 PM
I believe "employers" should not be listed anywhere on your site, because that is inaccurate.
brittney says:    05:00:50 PM
Well i will send the information to the correct people
Paul says:    05:01:13 PM
I really would appreciate that. If they have more to explain, they are free to email us.
brittney says:    05:01:28 PM
Okay no problem
Paul says:    05:01:29 PM
But I believe this is wrong.
Paul says:    05:01:35 PM
That's just my opinion.
Paul says:    05:01:49 PM
And I think you need a new screening process. =(
Paul says:    05:02:01 PM
If we're going to work with employers, they should be direct.
Paul says:    05:02:06 PM
Not commissioned brokers. =(
brittney says:    05:02:24 PM
Okay well is there anything else that i can assist you with today?
Paul says:    05:02:34 PM
Although...well, let's be honest. The chances of you finding any direct writing jobs are a million to one.
Paul says:    05:02:40 PM
Right?
Paul says:    05:03:00 PM
No, I'm done. Thank you.

I didn't stay for the fireworks after that. She knows EXACTLY what I'm talking about.

Lesson learned, dear readers and freelancers out there. The odds of you getting a DIRECT job and an employer are slim to none. =( It is IMPORTANT that you contact businesses DIRECTLY to get the jobs you're looking for. Don't count on some farm to do it for you.

And as far as Freelance Home Writers goes? Well, let's just say, I hope I've opened a few eyes on that front too. =)

Peace!

Paul
(with cats looking over shoulder) >^^<

Okay, so we were checking out "Twitter for Dummies", which is really an amazing book BTW, and it seems to talk a little bit about lists, and how to make them, and add members of your Twitter family to the list. Nina was nice enough to help us understand a bit of what they do, but we feel a little weird putting people on lists when we really don't know a lot about you all yet. =)

Soooo...we'd like to hear from YOU. Tell us what kind of list (keep in mind, we can only do 20 lists in total) you would like to see yourself listed on, by leaving a comment for us. We'll gather up all the comments we get, and then from that point, divide everyone up into really awesome sounding lists. =)

From all of us here at the homefront - Myself (Paul), Paula, Grimalkin, Mystery and Karma - we wish everyone out there a very wonderful new year. We have a feeling it's going to be our best year yet!

Bring it on, 2011! =)

We ran across an old file in our drives from 2008, about a certain "Dubya" State of the Union speech we decided to listen in on, and then rip on for the hell of it. With a pause/un-pause feature in hand, we listened, and started writing the jokes. We KNOW Bush is long gone from the White House, but we hope this playful rip of his speech reminds us just how STUPID we once were - and how STUPID he still is. =)
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Madam Speaker, Vice President Cheney, members of Congress, distinguished guests, and fellow citizens: 

Paul:  Let's have a drink!
Paula: Wow, he put the speaker first.  Dicky's not gonna like that.
Paul:  Does he seem pale to you?
Paula: You mean, more than usual?
Paul:  Nine-Eleven!
Paula: Oh hush.

Seven years have passed since I first stood before you at this rostrum.

Paul:  I know this because I checked the calendar.
Paula: Seven years of toils and tribulations...
Paul:   Zero score and seven years ago, my father said, "Son, don't be an asshole and run for president..."
In that time, our country has been tested in ways none of us could have imagined.

Paul:  I dunno, I can imagine quite a bit.
Paula: Tested by my consistent inabilities, my deceitful ways, my childish platitudes...
Paul:  Nine-eleven!
Paula: Shhhhh!

We faced hard decisions about peace and war,

Paul:  What decision?  To invade a country without precedence or provocation?  THAT decision?
Paula: Don't forget, he's the Decider.
Paul: *high pitched* I'm the baby, gotta love me!

rising competition in the world economy,
Paul:  And why the Chinese are eating us alive.
and the health and welfare of our citizens.
Paul:  Yes, by blocking stem cell research we have helped numerous sick, hurt people DIE.

These issues call for vigorous debate, and I think it's fair to say we've answered the call.

Paul:  We said it was a wrong number and hung up.
Paula: We didn't say anything but we could hear the heavy breathing.
Yet history will record that amid our differences, we acted with purpose. And together, we showed the world the power and resilience of American self-government.
Paula: Power, resilience, complete ineptitude, unbridled arrogance...
All of us were sent to Washington to carry out the people's business. That is the purpose of this body. It is the meaning of our oath. It remains our charge to keep.

Paul:  Yeah, suuuuure.
Paula: I think I'm going to be sick. Shut it off.
Paul:  Can't... tie... too distracting...
Paula: It's not even red this time.
Paul:  But look at the swirling colors...
Paula: Ooooh, it's strangely hypnotic...
Paul:  Yes... it's like a lava lamp...

The actions of the 110th Congress will affect the security and prosperity of our nation long after this session has ended.

Paul:  Oh here we go, gonna blame the Democrats already!

In this election year, let us show our fellow Americans that we recognize our responsibilities and are determined to meet them. Let us show them that Republicans and Democrats can compete for votes and cooperate for results at the same time. (Applause.)
Paula: Yeah, look at their faces.  They're sick to be in the same room together.
Paul:  Why don't the GOP people stay in the room and the Dems leave, and then come back later for the rebuttal?  You'd think that would send a clear message to the nation that folks are sick of hearing from this twit.
Paula: Can't.  Election year.
Paul:  What, again?!  It's ALWAYS an election year!

From expanding opportunity to protecting our country, we've made good progress.

Paul:  Not a single plane has hit a building.
Paula: Well, except for that Yankee pitcher.
Paul:  Oh yeah, forgot about him.  Hey, wasn't Bush ready to do something about that?
Paula: Yeah, I heard he was all set to attack Wrigley Field but they cancelled the alert.
Paul:  Oh, well that's a relief.

Yet we have unfinished business before us, and the American people expect us to get it done.
Paul: *rolling on the floor laughing*  No we don't!
Paula: Unfinished business.  You're so right, Dubya.
Paul:  Yep, war crimes tribunal is a-comin'.

In the work ahead, we must be guided by the philosophy that made our nation great.
Paula: Great idea.  So religion is once again a private, personal affair and will not be a part of politics.

As Americans, we believe in the power of individuals to determine their destiny and shape the course of history.
Paul:  Translation:  Vote for McCain -- he's better than a woman or a black man!

We believe that the most reliable guide for our country is the collective wisdom of ordinary citizens.

Paul:  But since I never care what they think, that statement is probably moot.
Paula: So, wait, we should ALL be president!  I like that idea!  Every single citizen votes on every single issue, mandate or law talked about in this country.  Majority wins.  You can't lose. :-)
And so in all we do, we must trust in the ability of free peoples to make wise decisions, and empower them to improve their lives for their futures.

Paul:  Free peoples?
Paula: Don't.  He's on a roll.
Paul:  You know, I don't see much improvement in my life with assholes like him running the country.
To build a prosperous future, we must trust people with their own money and empower them to grow our economy.
Paul:  So all you rich people, dig deep, man!
Paula: Save my last year of this shameful presidency, I beg you!
Paul:  I got nuttin' left!  Waaaaaaaah!
As we meet tonight, our economy is undergoing a period of uncertainty.

Paul:  I suppose spending $800 billion in Iraq was a bit of a mistake.
Paula: Oh right, like he's going to say that!

America has added jobs for a record 52 straight months, but jobs are now growing at a slower pace. Wages are up, but so are prices for food and gas. Exports are rising, but the housing market has declined. At kitchen tables across our country, there is a concern about our economic future.
Paul:  Which is why I'm so glad this is my last year!
Paula: I can go back to my rich family and live on the ranch, yee-hah!
Paul:  At kitchen tables?  He must be hungry.
Paula: They practically starved him.  Look how thin and gaunt he is.

In the long run, Americans can be confident about our economic growth.

Paul:  Which will happen long after I'm out of office, woohoo!

But in the short run, we can all see that that growth is slowing. So last week, my administration reached agreement with Speaker Pelosi and Republican Leader Boehner on a robust growth package that includes tax relief for individuals and families and incentives for business investment.

Paula: $600 bucks we get.
Paul:  Each?
Paula: I think so.  If we were married, we'd get $1200.
Paul:  Each?
Paula: Um, no.
Paul:  Wait, don't we get $1200 ANYWAY?
Paula: It's the government, Paul.  Don't question their math skills.
Paul:  Sorry. :-P
The temptation will be to load up the bill. That would delay it or derail it, and neither option is acceptable. (Applause)

Paul:  Just make sure ya give me a raise though, or I'll attack Iran!

This is a good agreement that will keep our economy growing and our people working. And this Congress must pass it as soon as possible. (Applause.)

Paul:  Look at the fire in those Dem eyes!
Paula: Yeah, they'll pass it but there's going to be some kind of argument.  There has to be.  This is America.

We have other work to do on taxes. Unless Congress acts, most of the tax relief we've delivered over the past seven years will be taken away. Some in Washington argue that letting tax relief expire is not a tax increase. Try explaining that to 116 million American taxpayers who would see their taxes rise by an average of $1,800.
Paul:  Better yet, dick-weed, explain to America why the national median income has dropped $1,400!
Paula: Explain why we were dead wrong to invade Iraq!
Paul:  The national unemployment rose to 5%!
Paula: No payrolls were added for the first time in five years!
Paul:  Housing construction at an all-time low!
Paula: Mortgage companies collapsing!
Paul:  Dogs and cats sleeping together -- mass hysteria!

Others have said they would personally be happy to pay higher taxes. I welcome their enthusiasm.  I'm pleased to report that the IRS accepts both checks and money orders. (Laughter and applause.)
Paula: As we laugh, five more soldiers died today in Iraq but anyway...
Paul:  I think this last year, Bush should go without a paycheck.
Paula: We overpay these morons don't we?
Paul:  What the hell do we have to pay him for?  Shacked up in a mansion, 24-hour room service, free first-class air service, chauffeurs, bodyguards, maids, GARDENERS.  I'd live like that quite nicely with no money!

Most Americans think their taxes are high enough.

Paul: And yet another shot at the Dems.

With all the other pressures on their finances, American families should not have to worry about their federal government taking a bigger bite out of their paychecks.
Paul: They will have to worry, however, about being shattered when one of their family members dies in an unjust war.
There's only one way to eliminate this uncertainty: Make the tax relief permanent. (Applause.) And members of Congress should know: If any bill raises taxes reaches my desk, I will veto it. (Applause.)

Paul:  If stem cell passes, I will veto it!
Paula: If gay marriage passes, I will veto it!
Paul:  If Laura wants a divorce, I will veto it!
Paula: If Congress and Senate decide to pull out troops, I will veto it!
Paul:  If the War Crimes Tribunal finds me guilty, I will veto it!
Paula: If Daddy says I can't have ice cream on the ranch, I will veto it!

Just as we trust Americans with their own money, we need to earn their trust by spending their tax dollars wisely.
Paul:  Much more wisely than the $800 billion spent on Iraq?

Next week, I'll send you a budget that terminates or substantially reduces 151 wasteful or bloated programs, totaling more than $18 billion.
Paula: Among those are research for diseases, health-care costs, and educational programs.
Paul:  I won't rest until every one of you old, helpless people lies dead!
Paula: You've lived a full life.  Get out!
The budget that I will submit will keep America on track for a surplus in 2012. American families have to balance their budgets; so should their government. (Applause.)
Paul:  So that was, let's see, $800 billion for Iraq, $500 million for Katrina, $100 million for the tsunami victims.  Oh and ZERO dollars for the No Child Left Behind program!  We're good!
The people's trust in their government is undermined by congressional earmarks -- special interest projects that are often snuck in at the last minute, without discussion or debate.
Paul:  You mean like that Arctic Oil Drilling Program, right amigo!?
Paula: Whoever wrote this speech made him folksy. And Bush is NOT folksy. He was and still is a rich kid.

Last year, I asked you to voluntarily cut the number and cost of earmarks in half.

Paul:  Amazing.  He sees programs that benefit all of mankind as 'earmarks'.
Paula: You know he has no clue what an 'earmark' is.
I also asked you to stop slipping earmarks into committee reports that never even come to a vote. Unfortunately, neither goal was met. So this time, if you send me an appropriations bill that does not cut the number and cost of earmarks in half, I'll send it back to you with my veto. (Applause.)

Paul:  Waaaaah!!
Paula: Such a damned whiner he is!
Paul:  Oh hush Paula or I'll veto you, I swear it!
Paula: Shhhhh!  Here's a valium.

And tomorrow, I will issue an executive order that directs federal agencies to ignore any future earmark that is not voted on by Congress. If these items are truly worth funding, Congress should debate them in the open and hold a public vote. (Applause.)
Paul:  Uh, haven't they been doing that the last 270 years?
Paula: Tommorow I'm ordering Congress to do what it's been doing the last 270 years!
Paul:  Good show, Paula!  Hooray!  Paula for President!
Our shared responsibilities extend beyond matters of taxes and spending. On housing, we must trust Americans with the responsibility of homeownership and empower them to weather turbulent times in the housing market.
Paul:  So basically we're on our own, Jackson.
Paula: I hear ya, McGee.
Paul:  Not my fault, neener neener neener.
My administration brought together the HOPE NOW alliance, which is helping many struggling homeowners avoid foreclosure. And Congress can help even more. Tonight I ask you to pass legislation to reform Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac,

Paul:  now languishing in an Arkansas federal prison...
modernize the Federal Housing Administration, and allow state housing agencies to issue tax-free bonds to help homeowners refinance their mortgages. (Applause.)

Paul:  Yeah, great job shutting that barn door, Dubya.
Paula: Not a horse in sight.
Paul:  We're notorious for it, Paula.
Paula: Yep, we don't recognize a threat until it happens, do we? :-)
Paul:  Did you notice the way Cheney's looking at him?
Paula: *Bela Lugosi voice*  "Pull de string!  Pull de string!!"

These are difficult times for many American families, and by taking these steps, we can help more of them keep their homes.

Paul:  Homes, yes. JOBS -- well that's another story.

To build a future of quality health care, we must trust patients and doctors to make medical decisions and empower them with better information and better options.

Paul:  And that starts by cutting funding for many of their programs.

We share a common goal: making health care more affordable and accessible for all Americans. (Applause.)

Paula: Except those that are old enough to be a burden.
Paul:  We will however help any white women in a vegetative state in Florida.

The best way to achieve that goal is by expanding consumer choice, not government control. (Applause.)

Paul:  I think consumer choice dictated we never wanted this scum-bag for president.
Paula: Consumer choice said not to invade Iraq either, doncha know?
Paul:  Oooh, yah, good point there, Margie.

So I have proposed ending the bias in the tax code against those who do not get their health insurance through their employer. This one reform would put private coverage within reach for millions, and I call on the Congress to pass it this year. (Applause.)

Paula: Better late than never, eh Georgie?
Paul:  We should go to all the children of the nation now and say, "This is NOT the man the country thought they were getting in 2001.  This is a president on his last year, trying to do something to salvage his legacy and get into heaven now." :-)
Paula: Why didn't we do this sooner?
Paul:  Nine-Eleven!
Paula: Will you stop saying that?!
Paul:  But it's the universal answer for everything.  It's like Douglas Adams' '42'!
Paula: Give it a rest, Rudi.
The Congress must also expand health savings accounts, create Association Health Plans for small businesses, promote health information technology, and confront the epidemic of junk medical lawsuits. (Applause.)
Paula: Again, better late than never.
Paul:  This speech should be entitled "the Better Late than Never Speech".
Paula: Or "The Seven-Year Bitch".
Paul:  Oh, I like that.  Spot on, Agnes!

With all these steps, we will help ensure that decisions about your medical care are made in the privacy of your doctor's office -- not in the halls of Congress. (Applause.)
Paul:  AHEM.  Terri Schiavo????
Paula: Don't start!

On education, we must trust students to learn if given the chance, and empower parents to demand results from our schools. In neighborhoods across our country, there are boys and girls with dreams -- and a decent education is their only hope of achieving them.

Paul:  Oh here we go, the No Child Left Behind Act.
Paula: Which still hasn't been funded with a single penny from the government.
Paul:  Amazing.  They come up with the ideas and expect the U.S. to pay for it.

Six years ago, we came together to pass the No Child Left Behind Act,

Paul:  Bing!

and today no one can deny its results. Last year, fourth and eighth graders achieved the highest math scores on record.

Paul:  While First through Third graders, fifth through seventh graders and 9th through 12th graders were not polled in this survey, we're confident they're doing okay too.
Paula: I'm personally reading at an eighth-grade level, and raring to get to "My Pet Goat: The Sequel".

Reading scores are on the rise. African American and Hispanic students posted all-time highs. (Applause.)

Paul:  All ten of them!
Paula: What school did they go to find this out?
Paul:  I don't know.  Someplace that had a lot of Hispanics and blacks.
PAula: East L.A.??

Now we must work together to increase accountability, add flexibility for states and districts, reduce the number of high school dropouts, provide extra help for struggling schools.
Paul:  To do this, we propose another idea for American citizens to pay for.
Paula: Increase accountability?  HAHAHAHAHA!

Members of Congress: The No Child Left Behind Act is a bipartisan achievement. It is succeeding. And we owe it to America's children, their parents, and their teachers to strengthen this good law. (Applause.)
Paul:  Congress to Dubya: Allocate monies to fund the program, you dildo.
Paula: He owes it to America to resign as President too, but I don't see that happening.

We must also do more to help children when their schools do not measure up.
Paula: We shall close down every school that is not measuring up.
Paul:  Can they use the metric system to measure?
Paula: Did you know he made these EXACT same statements in a radio address in October of 2006?
Paul:  My God, he's retooling his speeches!

Thanks to the D.C. Opportunity Scholarships you approved, more than 2,600 of the poorest children in our Nation's Capital have found new hope at a faith-based or other non-public school.
Paul:  They'll grow up to be good, healthy Baptists.
Paula: Do you know that these poor kids really need, Dubya?  How about food and shelter!?
Paul:  You'll be starving and sad all your life, but by gum, you will get an education!
Sadly, these schools are disappearing at an alarming rate in many of America's inner cities.
Paul:  Good!  Less religion in schools!
Paula: Replaced by good, secure drug houses.
So I will convene a White House summit aimed at strengthening these lifelines of learning. And to open the doors of these schools to more children, I ask you to support a new $300 million program called Pell Grants for Kids. We have seen how Pell Grants help low-income college students realize their full potential. Together, we've expanded the size and reach of these grants. Now let us apply that same spirit to help liberate poor children trapped in failing public schools. (Applause.)

Paul:  Of course, we won't be funding THAT either.
Paula: Seven years too late once again, Shrubbery.
Paul:  Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the Presidency on its deathbed.
Paula: *whistles and applause*
On trade, we must trust American workers to compete with anyone in the world and empower them by opening up new markets overseas. Today, our economic growth increasingly depends on our ability to sell American goods and crops and services all over the world.
Paul:  Like it has for the last few centuries.
Paula: Bush, tell us something we don't know just once?
So we're working to break down barriers to trade and investment wherever we can.
Paul:  By allowing China to cut major corners in food and products.

We're working for a successful Doha Round of trade talks, and we must complete a good agreement this year.
Paul:  Because it's my last year and I got nuttin' else! Waaaaaaah!!!

At the same time, we're pursuing opportunities to open up new markets by passing free trade agreements.

Paula: And the barn door closes yet again...
Paul:  We will also allow trading with any country that sends troops to Iraq.

I thank the Congress for approving a good agreement with Peru. And now I ask you to approve agreements with Colombia and Panama and South Korea. (Applause.)
Paul:  Panama, Columbia, Peru?  That's three-quarters of the cocaine trade! Oh...you know, that suddenly made a lot of sense...

Many products from these nations now enter America duty-free, yet many of our products face steep tariffs in their markets. These agreements will level the playing field. They will give us better access to nearly 100 million customers. They will support good jobs for the finest workers in the world: those whose products say "Made in the USA." (Applause.)
Paula: Ah, there's that unbridled arrogance again.
Paul:  Does he not understand that if we start doing that, and other countries see that they lose MONEY trading with us, that they WON'T trade with us anymore?
Paula: That would make sense, yes.
Paul:  I mean, the whole reason these countries survive is because of the tariffs on us!
These agreements also promote America's strategic interests. The first agreement that will come before you is with Colombia, a friend of America that is confronting violence and terror, and fighting drug traffickers.
Paula: And we've done a great job at that.  Kids are now going into the medicine cabinets for more drugs.
Paul:  So we worked on one problem, yet created a bigger one.  Way to go.
If we fail to pass this agreement, we will embolden the purveyors of false populism in our hemisphere.

Paul: Embolden the what?!
Paula:  Nevermind that, why the hell does he have to use the word 'embolden'?  I thought that was reserved for terrorists.
Paul: Nono, INSURGENTS.
Paula:  Ahhhh, okay.  Well, what's the difference?
So we must come together, pass this agreement, and show our neighbors in the region that democracy leads to a better life. (Applause.)
Paul:  Be like us!  Be like us!  Be like us!
Paula: Resistance is useless.  You shall be assimilated!
Trade brings better jobs and better choices and better prices. Yet for some Americans, trade can mean losing a job, and the federal government has a responsibility to help. (Applause.)
Paul:  Let's help by pulling out all troops and cutting all funding to Iraq.
Paula: They have the RESPONSIBILITY to help, but as in so many cases, it will not.
I ask Congress to reauthorize and reform trade adjustment assistance, so we can help these displaced workers learn new skills and find new jobs. (Applause.)
Paul:  I'm begging Congress to leave me a legacy!
Paula: Learn new skills and find new jobs.  Yep, that's a great idea about 100 years in the making.  Thanks, Dubya, well done.
To build a future of energy security, we must trust in the creative genius of American researchers and entrepreneurs and empower them to pioneer a new generation of clean energy technology. (Applause.)
Paula: Again, we'll be helping out by cutting funding on many of their programs as well.
Paul: *Yosemite Sam's voice* Ah hates geniuses!

Our security, our prosperity, and our environment all require reducing our dependence on oil. Last year, I asked you to pass legislation to reduce oil consumption over the next decade, and you responded.

Paul:  By pushing the price of oil to $100 per barrel.
Paula: Who cares?  In the next decade, I'll be safely back on my ranch, hyuk hyuk.
Paul:  No responsibilty to no one anymore, woohoo!

Together we should take the next steps: Let us fund new technologies that can generate coal power while capturing carbon emissions. (Applause.)
Paul:  Please God, give me a legacy!

Let us increase the use of renewable power and emissions-free nuclear power. (Applause.)

Paul:  Let us make pigs fly.
Paula: Let us do ALL of this in one year's time.
Paul:  Let us salvage my lousy presidency!

Let us continue investing in advanced battery technology and renewable fuels to power the cars and trucks of the future. (Applause.)

Paul:  Notice how he pauses each time.  There's got to be an "Applause" sign out there somewhere.  He's looking at them like, "If you don't applaud, I'll send your ass overseas."
Paula: How anyone, any human being, can possibly still applaud this scum -- is just beyond belief.
Paul:  They're doing it only because it's his last year.  It's a "You tried your best" applause.
Paula: Oh, pity applause.
Paul:  There you go.

Let us create a new international clean technology fund, which will help developing nations like India and China make greater use of clean energy sources. And let us complete an international agreement that has the potential to slow, stop, and eventually reverse the growth of greenhouse gases. (Applause.)

Paula: AGAIN, seven years too late, Dubya!
Paul:  How long is 'eventually'?
Paula: Long after he's dead.  And you.
Paul:  I need a break, can we pause this?
Paula: Sure, I guess.  You okay?
Paul:  I can only listen to so much shit for just so long before I realize it doesn't make a sound.
Paula: That's deep, Paul.
Paul:  Well, so is this shit.
Paula: Touche'.  We'll be right back... ;-)

*click*
 

We both stood there and looked at the glowing lights, the shining ornaments, the strings of pretty plastic pearls lacing across and down the sides. It looked like an amazing tree. We smiled at each other and hugged, close to tears. Grimalkin paused in licking his front paw on the sofa, staring at us quizzically.
"Aww, why are you two so gloomy? It's Christmas..." The burly cat hopped down and sat in front of us. "This is supposed to be a happy, joyous occasion."
"Oh, we're happy, definitely," Paula spoke up, kneeling down on the floor to scratch his ears. "It's just that this is such a turnaround from the year before, it feels like last Christmas was a nightmare that never happened..."
"You two were sad..." Karma, our littlest, joined us by the tree, curling up close to her older "brother-cat". "I remember you sat there at the dining room table and picked out books from the shelves to wrap as gifts...and you didn't have much of a dinner, either. We were all starving that day..."
Paula nodded. "That's right. Remember when we left the three of you alone to drive to Paul's parents' house too?"
"Oh God, the wind!" Mystery crept up on her feline companions, sitting between them. "I can't remember when it was so windy on Christmas, no snow...just this unending howl. We were so scared and jumpy; remember, you couldn't find Karma when you walked into the house."
"Hey! I was just going someplace to escape all the noise, that's all..."
I grinned at Paula. "Remember my parents' place? Not only did they not get you a present, they made us both feel guilty for complaining about the long drive in 60 mph wind gusts..."
"You know, I've STILL not gotten my gift from the "secret Santa" pool yet?"
"Don't remind me. In fact, let's not think about it anymore. That was Christmas of 2009..."
We laughed and looked at each other, imitating Comic-Book Guy from the Simpsons. "Worst. Christmas. EVER."
The cats watched the lighted tree for a few moments, then Mystery spoke up quietly. "Christmas 2010. Hmm. Has a nice ring to it. Like it means something..."
"Maybe it does," I shrugged and sat down on the floor so she could cuddle in my lap. "I think it means a lot already. I mean, look at all these presents...we're actually dressed well, I'm shaved and clean. The house looks nice, we have all these cards and decor all up..."
The cat purrred softy and nuzzled against my chin. "Is this our best Christmas?"
"Well," I chuckled as Paula joined the group, holding Karma and Grimalkin close to her side. "We'll just have to see what next year brings..."

What a difference a year makes. This time last year, about this time, Paula and I chose about ten books, some old candles and a plate - and wrapped them in Christmas paper, just so we had something to place under the tree. I know Christmas isn't about the tree, or the gifts, or the money...but it's REALLY hard to feel Christmas in our hearts - if we don't see it, or hear it, or sense it in our minds. Maybe I'm over-commercializing it. Maybe Christmas does mean a little bit more to me. I'm not a big fan of the Grinch story because I DON'T believe people can be happy on Christmas without food, or presents, or a tree.

Yeah, I know it's supposed to be about this prophet born in Bethlehem who ended up doing a lot of good things for the world.

But if you recall, Baby Jesus got gifts. =)

So I think my logic is sane. I don't know how Paula feels about all this, and my reasoning, but I'm sure she'll agree. You can have good Christmases and bad Christmases. You can have the WORST Christmas of your life one year.

All you have to do is come back stronger next year. We did, and we couldn't be happier.

Merry Christmas to you all. We hope our story enlightens you enough to be thankful for the Christmas you're having now, the Christmases you've had in the past, and the many Christmases still to come...

With love from the writers and the cats... =)

We were all watching "60 Minutes" last night, the five of us. It's hard for cats to take an interest in a talking head on the screen, but they realized we were interested, so they feigned it nicely, curled up together on the floor.
"Geez," I remarked, "So New Jersey's governor, Chris Christie, thinks the best way to get out of the current state's debt is to cut every tax, cut as many jobs as possible, and forget paying back the state-sponsored or civil employee pensions anytime soon..."
"It's root hog or die now," Paula scoffed, "Nothing personal, America, just back to the jungle, every man for himself, pick your cliche..."
Mystery looked up at us with her wide boo-eyes. "Hogs?"
"Well, yeah, in Colonial times, we let the pigs go out into the fields to fend for themselves after a corn crop. It was cheaper to let them forage, and not have to feed them. So Mr. Christie here is simply doing the same. He's counting on the disgruntled people picking up work somehow, to fend off bankruptcies, foreclosures, etc..."
Mystery snorted. "What a way to run a state. Why is it that your leaders seem to see that the only solution to anything is to cut taxes and expenses?"
"It's called saving money," Grimalkin yawned and then curled up on his side. "The main focus of just about any business these days is to cut expenses. Less expenses, less overhead, and you get more profits..."
"Well, sure, everyone knows THAT. But this isn't a business; it's a state, or a country..."
"Runs the same way, sweetie," I knelt down to the floor to pet her, and she rolled onto her back, batting at my hand. "Think of America like this huge apartment complex, and we're tenants who pay for the services around it; like electricity, heating, water," I pointed to the TV, "entertainment, internet, and so on. Now a lot of apartments are starting to get older, more run-down, and dilapidated, and we can't take the time or effort to spruce them up again. So other apartments either have to take on the expenses of caring for these eye-sores, or look for other places that interest us."
"So people might stop shopping for things in New Jersey?"
"Possibly, yeah..."
"Well, that's just dumb." Karma sat up on her haunches and gave us her coldest stare. "The POINT is spending. If New Jersey is suffering, shouldn't we be plugging MORE money into that area?"
"Absolutely. Online shoppers might want to consider going only to places like New Jersey to get goods, just to help businesses there succeed, and they in turn help others..."
"How will that help?"
Paula replied, "I recall a story on NBC News, about a pharmacy in the South that was offering a $100 bonus or something to each of his employees. The stipulation was that they could only spend that $100 in their own small town..."
"Why?"
"Oooh, I know," Mystery sat up too, "Because they are putting money back into the businesses there, which allows them to thrive and continue paying their employees, who are in turn serving customers, who will continue to buy from them..."
"That's exactly right. So instead of shunning New Jersey, and letting them fend for themselves, we, and more people like us, should be doing as much business as we can in New Jersey, Ohio, Illinois, Michigan, any of the states with the worst debts right at this moment. We help these states pull out from under, and they'll be able to help their own people more...think globally, buy locally..."
We all looked at the TV deep in thought for a moment.
Karma whispered to Mystery. "Do you think Americans are willing to do something like that?"
Mystery chuckled. "I have no idea. If they're truly Americans, and care about their country, I sure hope so..."

>^^<

We're excited, obviously! Our new website went live about three hours ago, and it's been fun. Streamlined, sleek, filled with good words, and lots of links. We hope it vaults us to the top of the Google realm. Time will tell!

Ebooks are coming! We're going to start with "Planning the Purrfect Meeting" very soon available on-line, so look for that soon! =)

And yes, more pictures and adventures of Grimalkin, Mystery and Karma coming as well! =)

Edit: Karma peeks at the screen, and then at Paul. "Um..." She reaches forward, tapping the glass with a paw. "Linky?"
"Right...sorry, overworked..."
www.scribesunlimited.com